Monday, March 29, 2010

Wasn't going to but did

I wasn't going to tell my mom until 12 weeks that I'm pregnant. We were at her house for a birthday dinner for Angela yesterday and ended up telling her. She's excited.
I can't seem to shake the fear and stress. I know that it isn't good to be stressed like this but I can't help it. It's like I am waiting to have another miscarriage. I am going to see my doctor on Thursday and will definately be discussing this with him. I mean maybe once 11 weeks 1 day and mothers day come and go i'll feel better but I don't know if I'll ever feel safe.
I really really want to enjoy this pregnancy.

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Thursday, March 25, 2010

My eggs smell like ketchup.

I couldn't help but buy the biggest ever bag of mini eggs today, mmmm.
I opened them up to find that they smell like ketchup which is making me gag.

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Monday, March 22, 2010


Friday's test

Today's test

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Saturday, March 20, 2010

Well ....

I'm not sure if my period is due on Sunday or Monday. I'm never any good at the dpo business.. I mean I got positive opk on Saturday and Sunday two weeks ago... I could swear I felt the egg leave my ovary on Sunday evening. Would that make Monday 1 dpo? Would that mean my period is due Sunday on 14 dpo or on Monday after 14 dpo? Why does everything have to be so confusing? This process is stressful enough without adding this math business, and usually I'm pretty good at math.
Remember how I said I just wasn't feeling it this month? Well I have to admit, part of me started feeling it the last couple days. I tried to deny it because I am soooo affraid to be wrong. I would rather not expect to be pregnant if that's Not what the outcome truely will be. I cracked on Thursday. I bought a dollar store cheap hpt on the way home from work and when I got home I peed on the damn thing. I watched it in the window in the bedroom under the direct sunlight for the 10 mins the instructions told me to wait . I don't know.. The control line appeared as the pee swept across the test window. Then slowly, a test line. An extremely faint test line. "am I making this line up in my head?" "this has to be an evap line, right?" I didn't tell any one and hid the test. The next day, I was off work. I asked Angela to stop off at the $ store on her lunch hour to pick up a cheap hpt so that I could test early and not waste an expensive test. She did as asked and brought one home. I peed on the damn thing. I carried it down stairs to where Angela was having her lunch. We waited the ten min the instructions told me to. Could it be? Another faint, very faint test line. Hmmm... Maybe my deep down intuition can be trusted. I broke down and peed on an expensive test. Holy shit! A f@*#en test line! It's more faint than I'm comfortable with. But it's there.
I'm pregnant! I'm scared to death!

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Thursday, March 18, 2010

1 year ago today

Well today's the day... On this day last year I got my BFP. I was happy that day.
Currently, I am enduring the last 3 days of my two week wait. I previously stated that I'm not feeling I this month. I stick to my intuition. I'm still not feeling it. I have felt no different at any point of this 2WW than I have in the past 7 negative months. In fact, I've been having PMS for the last couple days. Crampies... Not bad ones, but the ones I generally get before my period. I could start spotting at any moment. That generally happens 3 days or so before the visit from AF.
I have to admit though that I am feeling on board with my doctors theory that I just have to keep trying and I will get pregnant. There are too many positive fertile signs, for something to be wrong. Ask me in a year if I still feel this way.
I have been coping with yet another dissapointing month by continually reminding myself i'm not really in a race with this. It will be every bit exciting and joyful in a year from now if that's when it happens than it would be now. Sure, there is a bit of a race with time but I've got 7+ years. Maybe I should worry after 5 years.
Also, i'm the kind of person who enjoys looking forward to things almost as much as the actual event. If I get pregnant too soon, that's it... The event.. So right now I should enjoy looking forward to discovering I'm pregnant.
Happy Thursday everyone!!
I have a three day weekend this weekend :)

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Saturday, March 13, 2010

Tonight. We're doing this....

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I'm just not feelin' it

So, I just have to put it out there that I'm just not feelin' pregnant this month. I know they say it's different each time and the mere fact that I don't have sore nipples at 5 DPO shouldn't mean I'm not pregnant... But it seems to be more than that. It is like I just know. I hate that all I can do is wait to confirm my intuition.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Righty's turn

Lefty's ache died off as expected last night... But now today as I clean the house, righty has decided to play!...
My Dr.'s office called today to let me know that all is normal with the prolactin.

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Thursday, March 11, 2010


My left nipple is teasing me. It is having an ache. It does this pretty much every two week wait just to get my hopes up. Guarentee it will be gone in a matter of hours or at least by tomorrow morning.

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Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Happy day.

I feel happy today. I had blood work early this morning to test my prolactin levels. I then got a phone call from my good friend who lives in Ottawa with her husband and 5 month old son. The last time I saw her was Christmas. It was good to catch up and super good news, she and her son are coming for a visit at the end of the month. I am hoping to be able to take a couple days off to spend with her.
Another discovery is that my ovulation was pretty much one calender day later than it was this month last year. The month I got pregnant.
That would be too weird if it worked this cycle.

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Sunday, March 7, 2010

It's that time again

Positive OPK today. Is it? Control line closer to the green part

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Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Good Appointment

My appointment yesterday went well. I managed to ask the doctor several of the questions I have been pondering. He says that the spotting before periods is more than likely not going to cause an issue for me. Especially because the spotting starts at 11DPO usually, and that gives me the standard 10 days PO that they hope for when considering fertility. He also, said that I could be right about the Prolactin, especially because since the miscarriage, I have occasionally been lactating? (well something milky and wet comes out of the nipples.. TMI). Also brain chemical altering medications such as SSRIs can cause higher prolactin levels, and I do take antidepressants. I am going next Wednesday to get my prolactin levels checked because he has never checked them before and thinks it is a good idea. He told me not to be too worried because it is likely that this time it is just taking me a longer amount of time to get Pregnant. He told me about the fertility clinic that he worked at and how they use to have a deliberate 2 year waiting list, because most people would become pregnant within that time. Another reason he states for it possibly taking so much time is that my cycles may have taken much longer to become "normal" again after my miscarriage, especially since the length of my cycles was shorter and is just now getting back to the way they were before the pregnancy.
I asked him if even though I have been pregnant, if anything could have changed to make my fertility any less likely... and he thinks that it could have been off for a while (like I said before) but that it isn't likely that it has changed enough to worry about infertility. He says that all the blood work that I have done since my miscarriage is coming back in normal ranges, and that is definitely a good sign. Especially things that affect fertility, such as glucose levels and fasting insulin levels, estrogen, etc. I suppose now all I have left to do is the Prolactin test and keep trying.
My mom is funny. It is hard for her to talk to me about this I think. The other day, I was telling her about how my next door neighbour was expecting her 5th baby (in 5 years, one a year), and how because they are moving the father asked me if I would like to buy their washer and dryer. I graciously declined, but joked to my mom later that I should have told him, "I have a washer and dryer, but how much do you want for the new baby?".. My mom told me that I was going to make her cry. Then she asked me if I was still trying or if I had quit. LOL... Yes mom, I am still trying, and you can ask me anything you want about it. Really.
So after the appointment Angela and I went to Costco to get our prescriptions filled. (she had an appointment with the intern at the exact same time as my appointment). I was surprised to find out that my Iron supplement was not covered by my insurance company. I have been on this same Iron for years now, and it has always been covered. I have never had to pay any fee at the pharmacy for any of my medication, but the woman insisted that it was not covered and went on to insist that I paid for it in December the last time I got this prescription. I beg to differ lady. I left those medications there as I was not paying for them until I further investigated this. I looked up on my benefits summary web page, and low and behold, December it was covered for me and I never had to pay. I don't know what is going on there. It 'is' possible that the benefits have changed with the new year, but I still need to find out. When checking my online benefits summary, I noted that Angela's prescriptions from yesterday showed up on the list, but none of mine had been showing up. I am now wondering if the lady actually put them through at all or just assumed they wouldn't be covered. I will check the summary again today. PAIN IN MY ASS. lol...

Monday, March 1, 2010

Going to see my Doc tomorrow.

Tomorrow is my usual medication prescription renewal appointment. I am hoping to have time to talk to my do. About my TTC concerns. I admit that reading the Internet is just terrible for my stress levels, and my doctor is probably going to yell at me for my Internet education. lol. I have a few worries this time around. I wonder about the quality of my follies and the eggs and the progesterone. I have read that higher prolactin can cause poor follie development because of some fsh interaction thus causing poor egg quality as well as faulty corpus leutum making progesterone production poor. This could explain the spotting for days before my actual period starts. Who knows. The last time I saw the doc he said that I wouldn't even be considered infertile after a year of trying because I have been pregnant before. I worry that something has changed. I guess all I can do is ask my doc. Hopefully he has some insight.