New Year's Eve

I'm wondering what to do this New Years eve. Generally we go to a party or whatever. This year I am thinking about having an intimate romantic type celebration for Angela and I and a couple of our friends.. ?
Does any one have any ideas? nothing too expensive.

It takes a while to achieve perfection.

So, I am not pregnant again. Its OK. I didn't have that feeling this time anyway so I knew. I wasn't expecting anything.
We'll just keep trying. Maybe we will get our BFP on Christmas. Wouldn't that be fun?
I have been feeling very Christmasy today. I think it could be due to listening to a Christmas CD in the van with some of the people I work for. Normally I think November is too early for Christmas. I get all un-Christmasy by the time it actually rolls around. I just wish it would get cold and snow. I miss snow. It always helps with the Christmas cheer. Looks like we may get some flurries in the next couple of weeks... but nothing too promising.
I want to go buy all kinds of fun decorations.. and things that smell like Christmas.. :)

Wednesday Night

Last night I decided to make a nice dinner for Angela. She finishes work 2 hours after me on the days that we both work the "day" shift. I stopped at the grocery store and picked up two very nice steaks, two nice potatoes, and some mushrooms. (we had some vegetables and cressent rolls at home already) Once I got home, I decided to take it a step further. I thought... wouldn't it be nice for Angela to come home to a nice "romantic" dinner. We do have a "dining room", but it isn't much for ambiance. So, I put two T.V. tables together in the Living to make a small table, and covered it will a table cloth. I placed our plates and cutlery and napkins on the table, with two candles. (I had no candle holders for tapers, so I had to stick them in empty beer bottles) I lit candles around the room, and also turned on a "lounge" station on the music channels of the cable we subscribe to. I cooked up the dinner, all but the steaks. Once Angela came home, she was surprised, and pleased. I finished bbqing the steak, and we sat down to a very nice meal together. We actually talked. It was nice. We've been finding it hard to relax, or enjoy each others company with all the stress that we have surrounding us these days. I think it was just what we needed.
I can post pictures of it later on... I am not at home and don't have my camera with me to upload anything.
What do you guys do when you need a little time to re-connect?

I love the internet today... :)

So, because I am neurotic I was checking out articles on the net about bleeding and pain mid cycle. This is what I found.
It sounds a lot like me..
I guess this just makes it easier for me to be positive about things. :)

Any One?

Ok.. I peed on the stick today. The line is getting darker. Quite a bit. Still not a positive OPK yet. Every month (ok, pretty close to every month but not quite) I get this weird Gas Like pain in my abdomen. It is usually stronger on one side than the other. I have been assuming that this is ovulation pain. It tends to hurt more when I have a bowel movement, or when I need to pass gas. Is this what other people feel too? The month that I did get pregnant, I had this pain, but I also felt this slight twinge feeling as well. It was like I actually felt the egg go. Should I assume that this pain is from ovulation? Do you think it could be from bursting cysts? Why would it occur pretty much on day 18 - 19 of my cycle, 12 -14 days before I get my period, as well as when my OPKs get darker? See.. this is enough to make you crazy.
Furthermore, If I had an ultrasound after the miscarriage, they would have reported if anything was "wrong" in there ... cysts, endo, etc.??? no? or would that be something I would have to ask about?

H1N1

Angela's mom was sent home from the hospital on Tuesday with a fever. Big suprise everyone! She's back in the hospital. In the ICU. She has the H1N1. This is not good.

So Complicated

Do you think that I will ever win Lotto*Max? It is up to $50 million this week. Can you even imagine? I hate the lotto dreams. Just thinking about how many people you could surprise and do something nice for. I think though, if I were to win that much money, I would go broke. I am way to generous.

TMI right now ... this is your warning to stop reading if you can't handle it.

I have been getting the most amazing cervical mucous this week. Better than I've had in a long time. Only none of my OPK are coming up positive. Why does this have to be so frustrating and complicated. I just don't know what to do. Every time I vow to skip a month of trying, something happens to make it seem like this might not be a good month to skip. Quite honestly, I don't really know how often I "actually" ovulate. I mean.. sure I get signs that it has happened, and even opks that are as dark as the control, but the one time I got pregnant, the opk was way darker than the control and it was instant. So, maybe all the other times, it is just me being hopeful. But I can't help but think, I better try, just in case. I mean, if we were unfortunate enough to have to pay thousands of dollars each time we tried, we would probably be skipping a lot of cycles. We would probably also be being monitored more closely by the doctor.
I was supposed to see my dr. for blood tests to check to make sure that my hormones went back to normal after my miscarriage. Especially the HCG. the tests were ordered in August. It is NOVEMBER! I still haven't gone. Maybe I should do that... Maybe I'll call right now to book the tests. ..... ..... ..... That was a bust. I just called, but the office closes at noon on Wednesday. IT is now 12:05pm. I will try to call tomorrow I guess.
I suppose all I can do for now is just keep keepin on.
I am supposed to get the H1N1 flu shot. I am in a priority group because I work in a group home and I am a first responder. Maybe I'll go Friday. I don't want to have to stand in line for hours.
Hope all is well out there in blog world!