Not working

Ya, so this not working, this not obsessing over the two week wait.
I just got word that our kitchen Reno will be starting on or around May 12. Hooray!
I will hopefully be posting before and after photos.


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Still at it!

We continue with the ttc journey. Last month was a total bust. Spotting off and on for the whole tww until my period finally came.
I thought this month would be a bust too because it was day 20 with still no signs of ovulation and no + opk. I did get slight spotting at day 19 as well. Well we have been dtd since day 16, missing only one day. I finally got a + opk last night and again this morning.
I just can't think about it anymore. It's getting too stressful.
I'll just follow along month by month and let whatever happens happen.
In other areas of stress, we're in the midst of making the decisions about the kitchen renovation... Cupboards, countertops, lights, backsplash, trim, baseboards etc... So many details. We've picked out all new appliances as well. I just want it to be done. We've also had some estimates for a new deck but haven't heard back on the numbers. I'm hoping we'll have enough left in the budget to also get new bedroom furniture. But that's last on the list.
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Been around .. Don't feel up to posting.

I've been to Edmonton and back since the last time I posted. I had such a fantastic time. My brother got married in January in Mexico and held his reception in March.
I'm still not pregnant. I'm currently enduring the tww of our last attempt. I was quite optimistic beginning this cycle, but now not at all. I'm currently 6 or 7 dpo. I had some spotting around ovulation last Wednesday and Thursday. And then had one incident of bleeding again yesterday evening after going to the bathroom. It was light brown and very scanty for a couple hours and had completely disappeared by the time I want to bed last night. I'm pretty sure it's a hormone related issue. I honestly don't expect a positive test at the end of this wait.
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Update

Maiz is in the tub right now. What a fantastic time for me to write a post. I'm currently at 5 DPO. I have nothing more than that to share. I don't have anything out of the ordinary happening to lead me to believe that this is the cycle. I think I am exceptionally calm and totally not neurotic about every little thing that could possibly be interpreted as a symptom of pregnancy. I am hopeful. I figure that this lack of paranoia, hope and over anilitical obsession is mostly due to my delusion that if I'm not pregnant this month, I will be next month. After all, both my previous pregnancies occurred during my March try. I have an unwarranted sense of security that March is my fertile month. There will be lots to consider if this pregnancy doesn't occur in the next few months. My donor is going on a 3 week trip to Thailand in May. Highly unlikely he'll be here for the ovulation that month. Shortly after that, he is moving to Toronto while his husband (maizey's dad) goes to grad school. Although Toronto is a mere hour and a half drive, it will make for complicated timing. It's hard enough stealing a half an hour out of our schedules to meet up for the exchange and we live only 10 min across town. Oddly enough, I'm not yet freaking out about these things. A couple of weeks ago, Angela and Mai were playing around at the bottom of our basement stairs. We recently converted this area to laminate flooring. Well, Maizey slipped and banged her face off the metal edge of the bottom step. The bridge of her nose on the left side to be exact. This resulte in a trip to the ER and two stitches. Poor little Mai. She was a trooper though and Handled everything very well. She now has a tiny scar that we're hoping will dissapear with our persistent application of vitamin E and time. Speaking of time, we registered Maizey for school last week. I was working, but Ange took time off to take her to the kindergarten open house. Maizey is in love with school! I'm sure the novelty will wear off after about a week of going all day every day. But at least she's happy and not afraid. Well gotta go, Maiz was "blowing bubbles" in the tub and had a little accident.

Dying to post...

I've wanted to write here for a long time now, but haven't really had the time. There's just been too much going on.
Maizey's been sick nonstop with something or another for a month now. She had fifths then a cold then an ear infection then croup then another ear infection and a chest infection! Ugh it's been rough. For her and for us.
Maizey will normally sleep in her own bed, no problem, but when she's sick she eventually makes her way to our bed. I wouldn't mind if she would just lay between us, but she doesn't. For some reason, she has to lay as close to me as possible and eventually she somehow manages to push my pillow onto the nightstand and I end up sleeping with my body half falling off the bed and my head on the pillow on the night stand. This makes for an uncomfortable sleep. I'd go sleep in her room but she'd just find me there and the same thing would happen. She's got it in for me with sleeping I think.
She still frequently has night terrors and it's hard. It's so painful to see her seemingly in so much distress and not being able to do anything for her.
My cycle this month has been way off. Generally I'm pretty regular at around 30 days, but this cycle I never detected ovulation. I was showing some signs last week, which was a week or so later than expected but never got an actual positive opk. Going by my regular cycle I was expecting my period yesterday. Never came. I'm assuming it'll come next week. That would put it 2 weeks after my near positive opk. Because of the weirdness, we didn't do any inseminations. Well we did one or two the week leading up to my expected fertile time, but that's it.
So I'm hoping next cycle is the lucky one. Looking back over my charts from successful years, I got pregnant the month after a weird cycle.



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New Years Eve

I'm looking forward to new years eve. My best friend and her two boys are coming over. We didn't really have much of a plan for anything, so when she asked us what we were doing, and if she could crash with her kids, we decided that we would just host a family friendly new years eve party. Angela has since invited her sister and her family. I am hoping that her brother-in-law can at least curb the swears. I know there is no hope of getting him to not go outside at some point to smoke weed. We aren't really apposed to smoking weed, but we are if there are children around. This guy just cant seem to understand that we don't want it around our daughter. He even whips his shit out and tries to roll a joint at our dining room table, with all four of his kids right there and ours. Angela has had to talk to him several times about keeping is out of our house. He just doesn't get it and he has a hard time respecting us. I wish I was a bit tougher, but I always leave it up to Angela because it is her family. He says that he doesn't have a problem with it, but I mean really there isn't a time that he is over that he doesn't have to go outside to smoke some. Even on Christmas eve. I have invited a few of my other friends over, but they think it is kind of funny... a Family friendly new years. All their kids are older, and they are considering going to the free celebration in Niagara Falls. We went last year and it was pretty good, but I am looking forward to being home this year. We have also invited over Steven and Michael. Maizey's Dad and Papa. Papa has to work and dad is also considering Niagara Falls this year. We're going to order a bunch of Greek food, and make some appetisers and some martini's and just hang out. I've had flu like symptoms today, but have to go to work tomorrow. I have two important appointments that I'd really like to be at. Also, I'm afraid that if I don't work my shift tomorrow, I won't get paid for my stat on Wednesday. I am lucky enough to have Tuesday off. Angela has finally been put on a regular schedule at work, and so we will be able plan ahead for our time off together. It is a multi week rotating schedule, so it won't be completely synched with mine, but it's better. We're really looking forward to having our Kitchen completely renovated. hopefully in January or February. We've had a couple of quotes done, and they are way off of each other. One seems vague and inexpensive, and the other is very detailed and rather on the expensive side. Although the second one also included replacing our whole main floor flooring. It really really needs to be done. The flooring we have now is just a nightmare. It doesn't clean well, and it is cheap laminate. I'm a little weary about the whole deal only because we have "cove" ceilings in our living room, and I can't imagine how it will all look once it is finished. We're hoping to remove some walls and go for an open concept with an island. I guess I will just have to look at more concept drawings. The other problem I am having is imagining how we will situate our Living room furniture. In two weeks is also when we begin the process of purchasing the house from my father in law. It just benefits us all. Angela and I are planning on living in this house well into retirement. Her dad could use the money and not have it tied up in a home. He will be welcome to stay here, in the basement whenever he needs to. Angela and I can then put money into improving the house, and not have to worry that if something happens to her father, we will not fully benefit from the home improvements that we have paid for. It really is a bit more complicated that I make it sound, but it works out being fair. I better go to bed now, I am typing this on the new lap top that Santa brought us for Christmas this year, and something keeps happening to make the typing bigger and smaller and bigger and tiny etc. I am sure it is probably something I keep touching but it is really frustrating me to the max. I can't even handle it on my limited patients these days.

A month goes by ...

Can't believe it's been a month since my last post. Holy moly ... Needless to say, I'm not pregnant yet. If I was, I would have posted it ASAP.
Went to Cuba for a week. Got mildly sick while there... Something I ate? Too much sun? Not sure really. It was a pretty good time, for being work and all.
Gearing up for Christmas- still gotta do pretty well all the shopping. It's like when I do go, I can't concentrate on actually getting stuff. I'm feeling very scattered these days. I'm having a hard time with focussing.
We decided to wait until January to renovate.
Maizey is so great! Potty trained and everything. It's nice to be diaper free!


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TTC stress...

So being back in the world of TTC is hard. All the same stresses are finding me despite having a successful pregnancy. I'm not very optimistic. I'm a google-holic and sometimes it's good but mostly it's so so so not good. I have just entered my two week wait this month. I should find out right before I go to Cuba if I'm pregnant or not. I'm placing bets on not, but know deep down that part of me will hold hope and dissect every last possible symptom just enough to put me in the borderline crazy spectrum.
Here are the factors...
Positives
1) got positive OPKs





2) timed the inseminations perfectly with the "the three most fertile days" according to my opk instructions.
3) had some ovulation cramping on the right side and a small amount of spotting, which I have read can be a huge sign of fertility.
4) lots of other fertile signs such as really good ewcm.

Negatives ...
1) donor had been sick shortly before making his contributions and this could cause poor sperm count and motility.

2) would have liked to squeeze in one more insemination, but just couldn't coordinate it due to schedule conflicts.

3) Google- always has a negative for every positive... It is possible to have positive OPKs and still not actually ovulate. (I worry this is my issue... Not that I never ovulate, but that I don't except for rare months... Track record shows extra dark test lines on opk when I actually did become pregnant)

All I can do is wait it out.

I can ask my doc for blood tests to confirm ovulation... But last time he sent me on day 14 of my cycle to test for the hormone post ovulation, but generally I don't detect ovulation until after cycle day 17 or 18 as I have a 31-32 day cycle. Oh ya... Another thing... What's with my period coming 3-4 days early on months that I've inseminated? Super weird.

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Potty Training

It's not going too well yet. Two pees on the floor none in the potty.
I have today and the weekend off. Here's hoping it works out.


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Thanksgiving

Angela, Maizey and I spent thanksgiving weekend at my dad's house up north. We had a really great time.
Of course, I started to get some signs of ovulation while I was there. About a week before I usually ovulate. Ugh! Frustrating. No OPKs and no donor. I did text my donor and put him on stand by as he wasn't expecting us to need him until around the 18-20. Needless to say, I tested as soon as we got home on Monday. My OPK was negative. I was just hoping I didn't miss it. I tested again on Tuesday and got this:




I guess I could count that as a positive, but now I'm back to indecisive. Ange and I were out doing some shopping so I picked up a digital OPK, knowing that it would take the guess work out of it. As soon I we got home, I tested again using a non digital and got a Definite negative. I didn't waste a digital, we went ahead with an insemination about an hour later. I'm hoping the timing is ok and that I didn't miss anything. I'm hoping to squeeze in more frequent tests next month. Like several a day.
Why is it so frustrating?
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Cuba

Sometimes I love my job even more.
Ok, really... I LOVE my job on an ongoing basis. I honestly can't imagine going to work anywhere else.
Sure there are some days that are better than others but all around, I can't complain.
Today I love my job even more.
It has been confirmed that I will be accompanying a lady on her vacation to Cuba this December. How lucky am I?! Amazing. Two of the people I provide support for have planned a trip to Cuba, and my friend and co-worker and I will be accompanying them for a week long stay at an all-inclusive resort.
I will miss my family while I'm gone, but duty calls.
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Update

Just a quick update. Nothing new is going on these days. We're in the midst of getting estimates to have our kitchen remodeled. It's number one on our list of things we want to do in the house. This of course led us to wanting to redo the living-room/kitchen/dining floors completely as they would all need to match with kitchen remodel. A couple other things from the list are a new screened in back deck, (Ours currently has a 9'x10' hole in it from where the hot tub came out), my next item is a pool (Ange wants a pool too but not as badly as I do), remodel of basement bathroom, a couple of sheds (I think we have decided on pre-fab) a few updates for the upper bathroom and maybe a custom closet in our room (we have a full wall closet but no doors on it) and possibly a new fence, but Ange's dad has been working on ours and it's looking pretty good now.
It's hard to coordinate getting these estimates because of our schedules. Ange is supposed to be on a regular schedule now, but it hasn't happened yet. I was hoping to have a new kitchen in by Maiz's birthday in November but it's obviously not going to happen. Christmas? Maybe.
The other problem we're having is that we can't do the deck until after the pool because we'll need the space where the current deck is to be open and clear for the pool machines.
Here's what I'm thinking for the deck...


Here's the yard a few weeks ago... Ang's dad trimmed all the vines etc off the fence... He's done further work since


I'll try to remember to do before, during and after updates IF we get to any of the projects on our lists.

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