Wednesday, November 23, 2011

1 year ago tonight

1 year ago tonight, I went to bed with gas. It took me several hours to accept that I was actually having contractions. It was 5 days early, I was convinced it was too soon! That night 1 year ago, was the best night of my life! There was pain, and possibly some swearing, but no doubt in my mind - the absolute most wonderful experience of my lifetime.
The year since started rough. First - slight ppd. It never got horrible, but none the less it was there and as someone who is prone to depression, it was scarey. I just didn't want to get to that nasty pit in my stomache, darkness of a place I know all too well. Soon after the birth, my mom wasn't right... She expressed some trouble with her bowels and with her appetite. I could look at her and know she wasn't right. She was admitted to the hospital on December 16. It was hard to be a new mom without my mom there to advise me. January 1- Angela's mom was admitted to paliative care in the cancer centre. January 2 - my mom had emergancy surgery to remove her large bowel - later to find out she had gangrenous lesions and cancer of the bowel. My mom then had a long recovery to make. January 7- Angela's mom passed away. Several days of Visitation and funeral coordinated with visits to my recovering mom in the hospital. Followed by two weeks of single parethood while Angela was in Portugal laying her mom to rest.
Soon after - a falling out with friends.
It was a rocky start Maizey! Your babyhood was not what I imagined it to be, but we made it through the rough, and onto smooth sailing. I love you more than anything little girl!

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