Here I am...

Here I am again, in the emergency department of the hospital with my mom.
What better to do than blog it at 3:50 am?
She had another CT scan this morning. The last one she had, they never had her drink the drinks and didn't inject the dye because at one point while she was in the hospital and had a CT scan she had an allergic reaction to something. They suspected it was the dye, but it was never confirmed. This morning they prepped her by having her take prednisone and Benadryl. They went ahead with the dye to get a clearer picture. She was fine most of the day.
At around 2:30pm she began a reaction. She took some more OTC Benadryl as per her doctor and managed the rest of the day with some itch.
I called her a few times through the evening to make sure she was alright. (I was working the afternoon shift). She sounded fine, and said she was ok except for a little itch here and there. I reinforced how important it was for her to call me if she felt off at all.
At 1am my phone rang.
It was mom. She had become dizzy and fallen on her face in the kitchen and couldn't get up. I quickly raced to her house. I found her sitting on a kitchen chair, blood all over her face, and kitchen floor.
She said she felt a little better and wanted to go lie down on the couch. I tried to assist her but she just went down again.
I didn't mess around, I called an ambulance.
She has low blood pressure, and might need stitches.
They are going to do yet another CT scan, no dye this time just to make sure she's not broken any of her facial bones.
That's where we're at now, at 4:06am.



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Cancer

My mom went to see her cancer doctor last week. She's been told that the "spot" that was noticed on her X-Ray is cancer. Cancer in her lung. The next step will be to determine what kind of cancer it is. They will need to know if it was an extension of the breast cancer, or if it is a new cancer that originated in her lung. She may have as little as 5 years to live depending what they find out. She may also live on for decades. We're hoping we find out it can be controlled.
They can't cure lung cancer.
She will be having some more tests done in the next little while.
I've had a mini breakdown. My mom means a lot to me and I can't even imagine not having her present in my life.
So much worry!


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2.5 days!

In 2.5 shifts I will begin my 13 day vacation. I'm really looking forward to it. We don't have much of anything planned and that feels good. We will be spending 3 nights in Ottawa. We were on the fence about that... To either spend the time and money on a vacation or on re-doing our bedroom. Well at the present moment, there is a promotion going on in Ottawa at many hotels. Third night stay is free. It's been so long since we've visited my best friend in Ottawa so we took advantage of the promotion. We'll have to paint and decorate our room another time. I have some great ideas for our room but it can wait.
We are also going to be hosting a sweet 16 party for my other good friend's daughter (yay! Staycation yard getting used) and then a rib fest - birthday party for my sister-in- law!
With the last couple of days being gorgeous weather I've been a little sad that we didn't do a camping vacation this year. There's always next year I guess.







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Update ...

Ok so I'm a slacker in blog land. Shoot me. I just haven't felt up to it. It all began with the kitchen renovation ... (I still need to take pictures of the finished kitchen). Everything has been haywire since.

Maizey has had some regression with her potty training. She was fully trained in December last year except for a few accidents at night while sleeping, then right at the time the renovation (May) started, she began peeing her pants... All the time! She still continues to have regular accidents. We did have her checked by the doctor and she had high levels of protein in her urine, so we were sent for ultrasounds. They came back completely normal. It's weird. She is just refusing to use the potty a lot of the time. We can clearly tell when she needs to go, and she holds it for as long as possible then just pees herself. Not every time, not every day. She has good days and bad days. It's so frustrating.

My mom has been staying with us for a week now because she has pneumonia. She lives in a multi level home with no air conditioning so it's much better for her to just stay with us. The doctor wants her to go for a CT scan because the lung X-Ray at the hospital shows something that they couldn't tell what it was so they want a better image. I'm terrified it's lung cancer. My mom was a smoker for all of her adult life, and she quit the September before Maizey was born.

We haven't been up to much this summer. We were hoping to have money left in our budget to buy a trailer... Ya that didn't happen. Not even close. So we'll keep the dream and move on. I'm a little bummed about how cool and wet this summer has been. We got our yard all stay-cation ready but haven't had much time to use it.

I'm all mixed up these days too. We haven't tried ttc in the past two months because my donor was away and had just returned at go time last month so I didn't want to pressure him. I really want to be ok with just Maizey and give up trying, but something keeps pulling me to keep trying. We are considering going back to Maizey's dad. It will be difficult because he has moved to Toronto for school for the next 2.5 years. Something in me is saying to just throw away the opk and just go with my instinct. Not be so paranoid, and scheduled.

My thoughts are scrambled up too. I keep having these moments of clarity and fog. Some days the easiest of tasks seems so complicated, daunting and I just don't know where to start, and other days everything seems just so clear and easy.

Work has been difficult as well. It's completely stressing me out these days. We've had a couple changes with the individuals we support, and now the dynamic of the house is mentally exhausting. Emotionally draining. It's hard.

My old cell phone conked out so I lost a lot of my pictures. I'm a little bummed out about that. I need someone to teach me iCloud.

A couple more weeks until vacation again. Usually I have something planned. Right now I'm contemplating either camping at one of our favourite provincial parks, staying a few nights in an Ottawa hotel and visiting my best friend or just staying home and using the time and money on re-doing our bedroom. I totally need a king sized bed ;).















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Soon...

There will be an update coming soon... I promise



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Not working

Ya, so this not working, this not obsessing over the two week wait.
I just got word that our kitchen Reno will be starting on or around May 12. Hooray!
I will hopefully be posting before and after photos.


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Still at it!

We continue with the ttc journey. Last month was a total bust. Spotting off and on for the whole tww until my period finally came.
I thought this month would be a bust too because it was day 20 with still no signs of ovulation and no + opk. I did get slight spotting at day 19 as well. Well we have been dtd since day 16, missing only one day. I finally got a + opk last night and again this morning.
I just can't think about it anymore. It's getting too stressful.
I'll just follow along month by month and let whatever happens happen.
In other areas of stress, we're in the midst of making the decisions about the kitchen renovation... Cupboards, countertops, lights, backsplash, trim, baseboards etc... So many details. We've picked out all new appliances as well. I just want it to be done. We've also had some estimates for a new deck but haven't heard back on the numbers. I'm hoping we'll have enough left in the budget to also get new bedroom furniture. But that's last on the list.
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Been around .. Don't feel up to posting.

I've been to Edmonton and back since the last time I posted. I had such a fantastic time. My brother got married in January in Mexico and held his reception in March.
I'm still not pregnant. I'm currently enduring the tww of our last attempt. I was quite optimistic beginning this cycle, but now not at all. I'm currently 6 or 7 dpo. I had some spotting around ovulation last Wednesday and Thursday. And then had one incident of bleeding again yesterday evening after going to the bathroom. It was light brown and very scanty for a couple hours and had completely disappeared by the time I want to bed last night. I'm pretty sure it's a hormone related issue. I honestly don't expect a positive test at the end of this wait.
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Update

Maiz is in the tub right now. What a fantastic time for me to write a post. I'm currently at 5 DPO. I have nothing more than that to share. I don't have anything out of the ordinary happening to lead me to believe that this is the cycle. I think I am exceptionally calm and totally not neurotic about every little thing that could possibly be interpreted as a symptom of pregnancy. I am hopeful. I figure that this lack of paranoia, hope and over anilitical obsession is mostly due to my delusion that if I'm not pregnant this month, I will be next month. After all, both my previous pregnancies occurred during my March try. I have an unwarranted sense of security that March is my fertile month. There will be lots to consider if this pregnancy doesn't occur in the next few months. My donor is going on a 3 week trip to Thailand in May. Highly unlikely he'll be here for the ovulation that month. Shortly after that, he is moving to Toronto while his husband (maizey's dad) goes to grad school. Although Toronto is a mere hour and a half drive, it will make for complicated timing. It's hard enough stealing a half an hour out of our schedules to meet up for the exchange and we live only 10 min across town. Oddly enough, I'm not yet freaking out about these things. A couple of weeks ago, Angela and Mai were playing around at the bottom of our basement stairs. We recently converted this area to laminate flooring. Well, Maizey slipped and banged her face off the metal edge of the bottom step. The bridge of her nose on the left side to be exact. This resulte in a trip to the ER and two stitches. Poor little Mai. She was a trooper though and Handled everything very well. She now has a tiny scar that we're hoping will dissapear with our persistent application of vitamin E and time. Speaking of time, we registered Maizey for school last week. I was working, but Ange took time off to take her to the kindergarten open house. Maizey is in love with school! I'm sure the novelty will wear off after about a week of going all day every day. But at least she's happy and not afraid. Well gotta go, Maiz was "blowing bubbles" in the tub and had a little accident.

Dying to post...

I've wanted to write here for a long time now, but haven't really had the time. There's just been too much going on.
Maizey's been sick nonstop with something or another for a month now. She had fifths then a cold then an ear infection then croup then another ear infection and a chest infection! Ugh it's been rough. For her and for us.
Maizey will normally sleep in her own bed, no problem, but when she's sick she eventually makes her way to our bed. I wouldn't mind if she would just lay between us, but she doesn't. For some reason, she has to lay as close to me as possible and eventually she somehow manages to push my pillow onto the nightstand and I end up sleeping with my body half falling off the bed and my head on the pillow on the night stand. This makes for an uncomfortable sleep. I'd go sleep in her room but she'd just find me there and the same thing would happen. She's got it in for me with sleeping I think.
She still frequently has night terrors and it's hard. It's so painful to see her seemingly in so much distress and not being able to do anything for her.
My cycle this month has been way off. Generally I'm pretty regular at around 30 days, but this cycle I never detected ovulation. I was showing some signs last week, which was a week or so later than expected but never got an actual positive opk. Going by my regular cycle I was expecting my period yesterday. Never came. I'm assuming it'll come next week. That would put it 2 weeks after my near positive opk. Because of the weirdness, we didn't do any inseminations. Well we did one or two the week leading up to my expected fertile time, but that's it.
So I'm hoping next cycle is the lucky one. Looking back over my charts from successful years, I got pregnant the month after a weird cycle.



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New Years Eve

I'm looking forward to new years eve. My best friend and her two boys are coming over. We didn't really have much of a plan for anything, so when she asked us what we were doing, and if she could crash with her kids, we decided that we would just host a family friendly new years eve party. Angela has since invited her sister and her family. I am hoping that her brother-in-law can at least curb the swears. I know there is no hope of getting him to not go outside at some point to smoke weed. We aren't really apposed to smoking weed, but we are if there are children around. This guy just cant seem to understand that we don't want it around our daughter. He even whips his shit out and tries to roll a joint at our dining room table, with all four of his kids right there and ours. Angela has had to talk to him several times about keeping is out of our house. He just doesn't get it and he has a hard time respecting us. I wish I was a bit tougher, but I always leave it up to Angela because it is her family. He says that he doesn't have a problem with it, but I mean really there isn't a time that he is over that he doesn't have to go outside to smoke some. Even on Christmas eve. I have invited a few of my other friends over, but they think it is kind of funny... a Family friendly new years. All their kids are older, and they are considering going to the free celebration in Niagara Falls. We went last year and it was pretty good, but I am looking forward to being home this year. We have also invited over Steven and Michael. Maizey's Dad and Papa. Papa has to work and dad is also considering Niagara Falls this year. We're going to order a bunch of Greek food, and make some appetisers and some martini's and just hang out. I've had flu like symptoms today, but have to go to work tomorrow. I have two important appointments that I'd really like to be at. Also, I'm afraid that if I don't work my shift tomorrow, I won't get paid for my stat on Wednesday. I am lucky enough to have Tuesday off. Angela has finally been put on a regular schedule at work, and so we will be able plan ahead for our time off together. It is a multi week rotating schedule, so it won't be completely synched with mine, but it's better. We're really looking forward to having our Kitchen completely renovated. hopefully in January or February. We've had a couple of quotes done, and they are way off of each other. One seems vague and inexpensive, and the other is very detailed and rather on the expensive side. Although the second one also included replacing our whole main floor flooring. It really really needs to be done. The flooring we have now is just a nightmare. It doesn't clean well, and it is cheap laminate. I'm a little weary about the whole deal only because we have "cove" ceilings in our living room, and I can't imagine how it will all look once it is finished. We're hoping to remove some walls and go for an open concept with an island. I guess I will just have to look at more concept drawings. The other problem I am having is imagining how we will situate our Living room furniture. In two weeks is also when we begin the process of purchasing the house from my father in law. It just benefits us all. Angela and I are planning on living in this house well into retirement. Her dad could use the money and not have it tied up in a home. He will be welcome to stay here, in the basement whenever he needs to. Angela and I can then put money into improving the house, and not have to worry that if something happens to her father, we will not fully benefit from the home improvements that we have paid for. It really is a bit more complicated that I make it sound, but it works out being fair. I better go to bed now, I am typing this on the new lap top that Santa brought us for Christmas this year, and something keeps happening to make the typing bigger and smaller and bigger and tiny etc. I am sure it is probably something I keep touching but it is really frustrating me to the max. I can't even handle it on my limited patients these days.

A month goes by ...

Can't believe it's been a month since my last post. Holy moly ... Needless to say, I'm not pregnant yet. If I was, I would have posted it ASAP.
Went to Cuba for a week. Got mildly sick while there... Something I ate? Too much sun? Not sure really. It was a pretty good time, for being work and all.
Gearing up for Christmas- still gotta do pretty well all the shopping. It's like when I do go, I can't concentrate on actually getting stuff. I'm feeling very scattered these days. I'm having a hard time with focussing.
We decided to wait until January to renovate.
Maizey is so great! Potty trained and everything. It's nice to be diaper free!


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