Paranoid Mom

So, I've been so paranoid lately. Maybe it's because I've been on my own.
The other day maizey was so cranky and fussy all day and not finishing her 2 oz of formula... I was so worried. I think in the end she was just a little backed up because she was more herself once she pooped. Then I was worried because she was dopey and sleepy all day mixed with a little more fussy than usual.. And she was eating like a champ! I talked myself into relaxing and chalking up the symptoms to a growth spurt. We were away at our friends in London so it was easier to try not to worry. Once we returned home, maizey has been in a great mood... !!! I even managed a load of laundry an cleaning the main floor !





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Miss Maizey went for her 2 month doctor visit yesterday. She did well. The doctor says she is a healthy girl. He would like to see her eat more, as she only eats 2oz every 2 -3 hours. He told me to wait the full 3 hours each time and offer her 3oz. That makes for a cranky last half hour. Then, she still only eats 2oz. How do you get her to eat more?
She also had her 2 month vaccinations. Oh she hated that! I managed to calm her down though. After that we ran out to the pharmacy to get some baby acetaminophen just in case she developed a fever. She was so groggy and dopey. Once we got home, she was sleeping with her eyes cracked open a bit. She basically slept from 4pm until 10am this morning. There was some uneventful waking for eating about every 3 hours. Definitely not her usual self. She had no fever and wasn't fussy at all. I was worried that she would sleep all day again today and then not sleep tonight, but she's been groggily awake during her usual wakeful times.
Something the Doctor told me that I find interesting. We were all proud of ourselves that we got Maizey to her own bed in her own room by 2 months. I guess that isn't what they recommend anymore. They like for the baby to be in the parents room now. I secretly would be more comfortable with this to begin with so the news didn't upset me at all, but now, the crib needs to be taken apart and moved. I could probably do that myself, but won't. I'll wait for Angela to come home. I guess the other option is to take the bedroom doors off so the crib can fit through. Right now, I'll just sleep in her room on the double bed we have in there.
Angela has buried her mom. She's called me each night from Portugal. I miss her so much, but lucky for me I have lots of supportive friends.
I'm hoping life can get back to normal in February. It just seems every where I turn, people's lives are up-side-down. Not good. :(

2 more Long weeks.

Angela's mom with Maizey in the Hospital.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and well wishes.

Angela will be leaving tomorrow to go to Portugal. I wasn't sure in all of the confusion if Maizey and I would be going with her or not. We were invited to join the family, but in the end, I decided that I didn't want to risk taking a 7 week old baby with no vaccinations on a plane, to a whole other country. I briefly considered leaving her here with family, but that thought did not last long, as I could not bare the thought of being without her for 2 weeks. I can't even think about leaving her for one night never mind.
Amidst the confusion of the decision making, we thought it was best to get our passports just in case. I picked them up today. It was weird. The guy at the passport office asked me if I was picking up the passport for myself. I replied to him that it was for Myself and "my daughter". I think that was the first time I said that out loud to someone who I don't know. "MY DAUGHTER". I like that.
It will be a long two weeks as a single mother.
On the positive side, Maizey has been sleeping better at night, and we have got her into her own crib for the most part. She sleeps well in her own room, in her crib. Last night she slept for 5.5 hrs straight through, until she woke for a bottle. She then fell back asleep for 3 hours and then another bottle, and then sleep for 2 more hours. When I went in to get her at 8:30 this morning, she smiled at me. a GREAT BIG GOOD MORNING SMILE!

Rest In Peace

Angela's mom passed away early this morning. Her pain is gone. She can truely rest in peace.
There will be visitation in Canada tomorrow and Sunday and a service on Monday. Angela and her family will then go to Portugal to take her to her final resting place.

One day at a time

My mom made it through the surgery ok. She's been recovering in the progressive care unit. She looks better than she has in a long time. It will take a while, but I think she will be better than ever.
Ange's mom is hanging on. They are saying she has days left, but I imagine she will hold on longer because she is stubborn! Angela has been staying with her in the hospital. I visited two days ago, it is a very sad situation. Her mom has lots of pain, and is for the most part delerious.
Maizey thinks 3:30-4:00 am is a good time for a party. I do not!
She needs to shift her time just a little and we'll be good.


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When it rains it pours

Things have become bad. Right now I'm sitting in the hospital waiting room. My mom is in surgery. They have to remove a section of her bowel. It's an emergancy. She has an obstruction and if it ruptures, she could die. The silver lining is that this surgery will cure the colitis.

Angela's mom has been moved to paliative care. The cancer is too far progressed and their focus is to keep her comfortable and out of pain. They have stopped treating the cancer. They are thinking she may only have days left.
I'll update as much as I can.


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This and That...

So, Christmas wasn't traditional this year. Strange. Mom was still in the hospital, but insisted that we still go to our uncle's house for Christmas dinner. After visiting her in the hospital we did end up at my Uncle's. It was nice, but just not the same without my mom there.

My mom has at least been diagnosed. She has Colitis. She has finally admitted that she has been experiencing symptoms for quite some time. I guess she might have had this for years, but never knew because she was a smoker. She quit in September of this year after smoking for 40 something years. I guess they say that the nicotine in the cigarettes suppresses the symptoms of Colitis. Unfortunately quitting causes symptoms to show.

Mom is feeling a lot better, and is responding well to the treatment. We expect that she will be out of the hospital some time this week. She hasn't held her granddaughter in over 3 weeks, and it is just killing her. As soon as she's out of the hospital we will go spend some quality time. I'm looking forward to it. My brother's family and us will have Christmas with mom once she is out of the hospital as well.

Maizey is sleeping better, sometimes, at night. We are having her sleep in our bed with us. This is something I thought that I would never want, but it works and we all get to sleep this way, so we will just have to transition her to her own crib/bed later when she sleeps better at night. She's changed so much over the last month. She's gained almost 2 lbs. Such a sweet little girl. I feel like we are the luckiest people on earth.

I do get paranoid about lots of things. She makes this loud "snoring" like sound when she breathes sometimes. We ended up taking her to the Emergency at the hospital one night last week after paging the midwife and having her listen to it over the phone. It sounded a lot like croup to her. After seeing the ER doc and then the pediatrician on call, we came home that night with a diagnosis of Tracheomalacia, the "snoring" sound is "stridor". We were told that it is not really anything to worry about and that it will likely go away with age. Usually disappearing by 18 months.

I am also paranoid about her eating habits. She is still eating only 2oz every 3 hours or sometimes more than 3 hours. We don't let her go more than 5 hours without eating. Sometimes she eats less than 2oz, and that is what starts me worrying. The midwife has told us since she has gained so much weight, it is fine to let her eat by her own appetite, especially because she is peeing and pooing regularly.

Something we haven't really mentioned too much on this blog, is the fact that we used a known donor to conceive Maizey. We do have a legal agreement with this donor, who is a very good friend of ours. Angela and I and the donor and his husband all agreed to have Steven (the Donor) play an active role in the baby's life, as a dad, on a social level, he has given up any legal rights he has to her, and understands that Angela and I are the legal parents who will make all decisions regarding Maizey. Angela and I allowed him in the delivery room for the birth. He took the pictures for us. :)





Yesterday, for the first time, I let Steven and Michael take Maizey for the day. They had some Christmas visiting to do, and well they wanted to show her off. We all survived. :) I missed her all day, but it was nice to have some time to sleep and clean the house. Angela and I also got to go on a date, and have some alone time. That was really nice too.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

:(

Sorry about the lack of posts. Been busy. One baby who doesn't sleep at night.. A mom who is very sick, (my mom) and can't figure out what is wrong. Lost 20 lbs in 2 weeks kinda sick... Just went to the hospital. A mother in law who just had some spinal fractures from her cancer filled, and came out in worse shape than going in... She had 4 units of blood given cause one of her incisions won't stop bleeding... Christmas shopping! So much to do.. No time! Too much stress and worry! Not to mention I got an email from my dad who is vacationing in Thailand and my step mom is in hospital there with suspected typhoid fever! WOW! I'll Try to update soon. Sorry about the sloppy post!


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boobs are a no go

So, after much heartache, Maizey is off the boob. it wasn't working. She would spend an hour at the breasts, and then gobble up 3oz of formula right after. It just seems she wasn't getting what she needed. even if we fed her 3oz of pumped milk, she would be looking for more as soon as she was done.

We are such first time moms. everything is questions. Is she eating enough, is she sleeping too much, do we hold her too much, are we spoiling her by holding her too much, why does she wake up and cry as soon as we put her down? will we ever sleep at night again? etc...

she sleeps almost all day and wont settle at night. she seems to get a lot of gas at night. we try to keep her up during the day, but she wont have it. wow.. so different than i expected. not worse...just different. it is especially hard when Ange goes to work for the day. I'm just not good at living on someone else's schedule.

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Breast Feeding

Some nights are less of a routine than others. I mean, really we've only had her for a week so i'm not expecting clock work yet. Breast feeding is well... Going. I thought I was indifferent about bottle vs breast, turns out... I want a breast milk baby. I've shed many a frustration tear about this as I struggle. My boobs are good boobs for this.. And a week in and I haven't given up yet, but it seems little Maizey doesn't want to work for her food. She either isn't/can't latch far enough on my nipple, or she is too lazy to suck hard enough. She's just not getting enough and simply wants to graze all day/night. We've been supplimenting with formula and now that I'm pumping, bottles of breast milk. It seems to be helping get a routine. Speaking of feeding, it's that time again...


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