Almost over.

So the tww is almost over. Technically there are 2 days left in the official two weeks. I don't think my AF is going to wait that long. I am having all the typical symptoms of her. I know they say that these symptoms are similar to those of actually being pregnant, but again, I just don't feel that I am deep down. Earlier in the week I thought it might actually be possible, I was feeling quite positive about it. Not at all anymore. I'll keep you updated.

Quick update

I am feeling very much that this insemination didn't work this month. I will continue to hope that it did, and probably try to make everything i feel into a symptom.
I just feel that it's not likely this time.

Weird Cycle again. A lot of personal Info. maybe TMI

OK... Again, a weird cycle. I was going to refrain from posting about my ttc this month. But I have to get it out there. We did 3 insemination this time. One the day before my positive opk, one the day of my positive opk and one the day after my positive opk. Today is the day after the third insemination. I had some wonderfully fertile CM all three days. Although, I did have some spotting. Pinkish, and streaky within the CM. I didn't worry too much about that due to the article that I found online last month, and also because when I actually did get pregnant in March, I had the same. Well it seems that today, I had some brown/pink discharge (i hate that word) as well there was a large brown clot in the toilet after i peed, and quite an abundance of pink when I wiped. I just don't know anymore. I was feeling really very positive about this try. I have had a good feeling about this try since my last negative in November. I know there isn't much I can do other than wait. I am going to see my GP tomorrow and I will be getting the results of my blood work from last week. I will have a converstaion with him about it tomorrow. Maybe he can shed some light. The one thing I am sure of this month though, is that I did have a LH surge. The test line definately came up darker than the control on CD18.

Snowed Today

It made me happy that it Snowed a little bit today!

Meh...

I have been feeling a little bit "Eeyore" these days. I'm not too sure what's wrong. It could be the lack of Christmas feeling I have as we approach Christmas. I am working on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, but that's ok with me. I don't really mind doing it. Most of my co-workers (usually only one staff works at a time) have small children, and like to be home with them for all that Santa stuff. It's a trade off. I have worked Christmas pretty much for as long as I've worked at this agency. It will be my 8th Christmas in a row this year. I figure that should give me some great time off on Christmas when I have my own kids, when it really matters. I figure I can make the switch up for New Year's Eve and New Year's day when I have kids. I just feel like that will be the "holiday" that doesn't matter so much anymore. In my line of work, we HAVE to work at least one of the "stat" holidays. It's good pay so I really shouldn't complain. I figure if I wasn't working Christmas day, I'd probably sleep in anyway. So really, I am not missing anything by working. We have our "family Christmas dinner" on Christmas night, so I am all done working by that time. I don't really even know if I will be needed at the house this year, most of the people I work for (support) will be going to be with their families.
I've been really into planning a summer vacation lately. I've been on the Internet for days searching out the Perfect Cottage to rent. I think I have finally found it. If we do decide on going to it, I will post a link so you can check it out, but not until after I secure a deposit for the preferred week we want. I do realize that this could be the very last Childless summer vacation for me. :) but that makes me happy. I mean, hopefully by then I could be very pregnant, and waddling around. Oh a dream.
Speaking of getting pregnant, my KD got an I*phone. There is an app for menstrual cycles on it, so last night we inputted all my cycle information. Now, he will know exactly what is expected of him and when. He was pretty excited when today showed up as "dark green". At first he didn't know what that meant so I explained. I told him that all of the "green" days on the calendar were good days to inseminate, "dark green" being the best. (I feel like I am over using the " " " today). We just started yesterday. But I think from now on, we'll probably go ahead any "green day".
I have a Christmas party to go to tonight, it is a fancy one. Right now, due to feeling Eeyore, I don't really feel like going. Just the though of getting all dressed up and being around people, just isn't doing it for me right now. Last year, I wore a dress to this event, but this year, I am trying to figure out what the most comfortable but dressy enough option I have. What I really want to wear is my dress pants and a sweater, but I fear the sweater will be way too warm. I have a feeling I will just be wearing my same old dress blouse. Oh well. The worst part of it all is the bra. I hate the dress up bra. Sure, the girls look great in it, but by the end of the night, I just can't wait to pour them out of the thing.
This weekend is a busy one.
Cross your fingers for me and send me baby dust and all that. :)

New Year's Eve

I'm wondering what to do this New Years eve. Generally we go to a party or whatever. This year I am thinking about having an intimate romantic type celebration for Angela and I and a couple of our friends.. ?
Does any one have any ideas? nothing too expensive.

It takes a while to achieve perfection.

So, I am not pregnant again. Its OK. I didn't have that feeling this time anyway so I knew. I wasn't expecting anything.
We'll just keep trying. Maybe we will get our BFP on Christmas. Wouldn't that be fun?
I have been feeling very Christmasy today. I think it could be due to listening to a Christmas CD in the van with some of the people I work for. Normally I think November is too early for Christmas. I get all un-Christmasy by the time it actually rolls around. I just wish it would get cold and snow. I miss snow. It always helps with the Christmas cheer. Looks like we may get some flurries in the next couple of weeks... but nothing too promising.
I want to go buy all kinds of fun decorations.. and things that smell like Christmas.. :)

Wednesday Night

Last night I decided to make a nice dinner for Angela. She finishes work 2 hours after me on the days that we both work the "day" shift. I stopped at the grocery store and picked up two very nice steaks, two nice potatoes, and some mushrooms. (we had some vegetables and cressent rolls at home already) Once I got home, I decided to take it a step further. I thought... wouldn't it be nice for Angela to come home to a nice "romantic" dinner. We do have a "dining room", but it isn't much for ambiance. So, I put two T.V. tables together in the Living to make a small table, and covered it will a table cloth. I placed our plates and cutlery and napkins on the table, with two candles. (I had no candle holders for tapers, so I had to stick them in empty beer bottles) I lit candles around the room, and also turned on a "lounge" station on the music channels of the cable we subscribe to. I cooked up the dinner, all but the steaks. Once Angela came home, she was surprised, and pleased. I finished bbqing the steak, and we sat down to a very nice meal together. We actually talked. It was nice. We've been finding it hard to relax, or enjoy each others company with all the stress that we have surrounding us these days. I think it was just what we needed.
I can post pictures of it later on... I am not at home and don't have my camera with me to upload anything.
What do you guys do when you need a little time to re-connect?

I love the internet today... :)

So, because I am neurotic I was checking out articles on the net about bleeding and pain mid cycle. This is what I found.
It sounds a lot like me..
I guess this just makes it easier for me to be positive about things. :)

Any One?

Ok.. I peed on the stick today. The line is getting darker. Quite a bit. Still not a positive OPK yet. Every month (ok, pretty close to every month but not quite) I get this weird Gas Like pain in my abdomen. It is usually stronger on one side than the other. I have been assuming that this is ovulation pain. It tends to hurt more when I have a bowel movement, or when I need to pass gas. Is this what other people feel too? The month that I did get pregnant, I had this pain, but I also felt this slight twinge feeling as well. It was like I actually felt the egg go. Should I assume that this pain is from ovulation? Do you think it could be from bursting cysts? Why would it occur pretty much on day 18 - 19 of my cycle, 12 -14 days before I get my period, as well as when my OPKs get darker? See.. this is enough to make you crazy.
Furthermore, If I had an ultrasound after the miscarriage, they would have reported if anything was "wrong" in there ... cysts, endo, etc.??? no? or would that be something I would have to ask about?

H1N1

Angela's mom was sent home from the hospital on Tuesday with a fever. Big suprise everyone! She's back in the hospital. In the ICU. She has the H1N1. This is not good.

So Complicated

Do you think that I will ever win Lotto*Max? It is up to $50 million this week. Can you even imagine? I hate the lotto dreams. Just thinking about how many people you could surprise and do something nice for. I think though, if I were to win that much money, I would go broke. I am way to generous.

TMI right now ... this is your warning to stop reading if you can't handle it.

I have been getting the most amazing cervical mucous this week. Better than I've had in a long time. Only none of my OPK are coming up positive. Why does this have to be so frustrating and complicated. I just don't know what to do. Every time I vow to skip a month of trying, something happens to make it seem like this might not be a good month to skip. Quite honestly, I don't really know how often I "actually" ovulate. I mean.. sure I get signs that it has happened, and even opks that are as dark as the control, but the one time I got pregnant, the opk was way darker than the control and it was instant. So, maybe all the other times, it is just me being hopeful. But I can't help but think, I better try, just in case. I mean, if we were unfortunate enough to have to pay thousands of dollars each time we tried, we would probably be skipping a lot of cycles. We would probably also be being monitored more closely by the doctor.
I was supposed to see my dr. for blood tests to check to make sure that my hormones went back to normal after my miscarriage. Especially the HCG. the tests were ordered in August. It is NOVEMBER! I still haven't gone. Maybe I should do that... Maybe I'll call right now to book the tests. ..... ..... ..... That was a bust. I just called, but the office closes at noon on Wednesday. IT is now 12:05pm. I will try to call tomorrow I guess.
I suppose all I can do for now is just keep keepin on.
I am supposed to get the H1N1 flu shot. I am in a priority group because I work in a group home and I am a first responder. Maybe I'll go Friday. I don't want to have to stand in line for hours.
Hope all is well out there in blog world!